friday afternoon

It is Friday afternoon on a very cold but beautiful day. I've made myself a cozy spot on our bed with the computer, my favorite red blanket, and a darling pup is sleeping nearby in the sunlight that is shining through our bedroom window. It is quite cozy and comfortable. I have pondered about this post this morning--imagining what I would write and how. Yesterday I was in fine form as at about 5pm I was feeling irritable. There wasn't any irritant to speak of but try telling that to a pregnant woman. I, being the sensible, rational woman I am, looked for something to be angry at. I didn't have to look far. (This is the part where you think or say aloud, "Poor David"). He is trying to hang with me but I think that he is knocked sideways everytime a moodswing occurs. What is funny about a mood swing is that it doesn't identify itself. It looks, feels, smells, and tastes as real as a true emotion...but maybe on steroids? Something upset me and I felt really angry about it last night and I think that if I had a hairy back that hair would stand on end. I could feel my blood boiling, blood pressure rising, and my skin turning a strange shade of green (oh wait, that's the hulk but truly, "you wouldn't like me when I'm angry"). As cute as David finds my fiesty parts I think there are times that my temper sets him ill at ease. Now, in these foul moods, I definitely have parts whispering to me that I'm not being fair but every other part feels like a steam train thats too late to stop from crashing. I can't reason myself out of that emotion (most people can't, by the way--that's why "get over it" is not a very valuable solution). So, it is not until the mood passes that I can look back and go, "phew, that was doozy" as I try to scrape david off the ceiling or screw his head back on his shoulders. I am realizing that the true way to tell a real emotion from a moodswing is that when I'm in a moodswing there isn't anything that can be said or done that will change the mood--it just is! So, that means that the therapist who is trained to work through conflict says, "Let's just drop it". Seems unhealthy but really there is no point of wading through the emotions that will only serve to stir up more anger rather than lead it to pass. It is just the endure until over strategy. If David can see the signs he would do this--but again, it is really hard to tell. Thankfully, this is not a daily issue but probably bimonthly or so...for now.