the grumpy old lady is dying

The faithful Lord is showing me some things about my family and myself.  I am so thankful to be shown for I can't work to change what is still in darkness.  That's why secret sins remain just that--secret sins.  They never get put to death.  What is also particularly funny (but in a weird way and not in a "ha ha" way) is that I probably would not have been aware of this issue if I had not dealt with anxiety.  My anxiety has me seeking good and positive in all the things I do, see, and hear.  I am especially sensitive to negativity now.  I also find that I am surrounded by friends and in-laws who are quite gracious and positive which makes it easier.  However, sometimes I find myself with someone (we all know folks like this--in fact, I might be that person that you know) who does nothing but complain.  Or who has nothing good or positive to report.  Or who seem to even take joy in the struggles that others find themselves in.  I never ever noticed it before but I surely notice it now.  People I have known my whole life strike me now as very negative.  It is quite burdensome.  I have to tell myself--things are probably not as bad as they are stating.  Speaking as a recovering pessimist (i used to call myself a realist--what a laugh!)  it is very easy to focus on all the bad things or hassles that happen in a day.  Oh, and what food for my negativity when there really was bad news.  That kind of news just fit into my worldview that said "Life stinks--just deal!"  However, it is very difficult to be negative or to complain when there is a thankful heart.  And that is my weapon.  I hold to the Spirit who has promised to complete the good work in me and bear the fruit of joy in my heart.  I take hold of the promise that there is life and hope in Christ, even in a world where coexists pain, struggle and death.  These words of my Lord are life.   Complaining and thankfulness rarely happen together.  And a gentle reminder to those who find themselves being "realists" --just as there is always something to complain about, there is always something to be thankful for.  Which would you rather focus on?

Another reason I am convicted about this is because I see that as you get older the reasons to complain get longer.  Afterall, you body will eventually die out.  It betrays you sooner or later, slowly or fast.  If I don't work on the habit of thankfulness now, then when I am old, no one will want to be around me.  I don't want to be that grumpy old lady that people avoid.  I want to be cheerful, gracious and godly.  I look to my mother-in-law as a great example of this.  She is gracious and never complains.  Mrs. Hogue is the anti-thesis of the grumpy old lady I mentioned earlier.  I'm thankful for such an example.

Fortunately, pessimism is learned.  Therefore, I plan to unlearn it.  In its place, I hope to learn thankfulness.  Not a superficial thankfulness--y'know, not just lipservice.  But a true outspringing contentment and joy from my heart.  Habits can be broken and new habits can replace them.  Isn't that reason enough for joy and thankfulness?  We aren't stuck!  We aren't doomed!  We can resolve (with the Lord's transforming grace) to change!  Yes!

latest project

A few saturdays ago was the annual La Leche League picnic.  I was placed in charge of food and fliers.  In the past, an event like this with me in charge of something would be stressful.  I would feel nervous about what everyone would think about the event and whether people thought I did a good job.  And really--I didn't want people to think I did a good job.  I wanted people to think I did the best job EVER!  Well, I probably don't need to say, that with those kinds of hopes, the pressure is turned up.  A few years ago, I realized that when we had anyone over, or a party or anything I would feel stress and pressure which would lead to irritability.  I  didn't think this was the way it was supposed to be.  So, some soul-searching unveiled that this pattern of emotions involved with entertaining was actually learned.  So, how am I un-learning it?  I've begun to draw the line between entertaining and hospitality.  My sweet friend and one-time mentor, Mrs. Jeannette Olps, explained that entertaining centers around making things look hard and hospitality doesn't need that.  Hospitality was serving others and not on making a beautifully themed dinner party.  Not that I ever succeeded in that.  What would usually happen is amongst all the ideas that overwhelmed me I ended up going for manageable.  Originally, I wanted people to marvel at my work on the food and how clean and beautiful my house was, etc.  Now, I just want a good time with friends.  I've had lots of great examples to look to in hospitality over the years.  The Frey family that "adopted" me while away at college would have me over all the time after Sunday church.  They fixed a delicious but simple meal but it was so easy.  No red carpet was rolled out, and no one seemed to stress over there being enough food for us.  So relaxed and so nice.  I've been to friends' houses where kids toys were everywhere--and kids for that matter.  Food was presented casually but the conversation was rich!  So, as I have had people over, I would remind myself often that the point is not to impress but to be hospitable.  The point is enjoying time together and not "making it look hard".  I love it when people make it look easy.  A simple soup.  A chili.  Sandwiches.  It is enough to make me feel welcome.

the danger of TLC's 'Sister Wives'

The Learning Channel (a.k.a. TLC) is known for doing some great shows that educate the general public about life for a certain sector, group, or family dealing with unusual circumstances.  Long ago (or so it feels like) I watched a (what I thought) normal family handle sextuplets and twins.  I watch the Duggars with their 19 children and have watched lots of little people.  Lately, TLC decided to do a small series on a polygamist family.  From the beginning I had mixed feelings about this.   I find myself curious and knew that I would see what this show was about.  At the same time, I had an icky feeling about their being a show that could draw an empathetic, normalizing light to this very wrong way of life.  I mean, these are not the FLDS (or is it FDLS?) that have the long dresses, long hair and secretive & dark lives under the dictatorship of Jeff Warrens.  This is a likeable group.  They dress normal.  They blend in.  Watching this, I know that people will start to look at their situation of one man with his three wives (while marrying a fourth) as freaky but normal.  I found even myself feeling more accepting (thankfully, I was guarding my heart but I see the tendency--that is how powerful t.v. is).  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not about getting pitchforks and running them out of town.  I want to love them like I would hope to love any neighbor.  But that doesn't change the fact that polygamy is unnatural (despite what polygamists might say) and unfair to the wives of this one man.  The wives of the show are quite frank about jealousy issues (which is refreshing) but they are also quite adamant about the advantages of plural marriage:  more time to themselves, more help with the children, refining of their character, etc.  One of the women liked it because it meant that she could work outside the home with a full-time job because one of the other "sister wives" was taking care of the children (their are 13 or so total, I think).  That was new to hear.  It was this modern take on polygamy that I had not seen.  Women's rights to work but not to have one man's heart, soul, and body in totality?  Very strange.  And icky.

there is some guilt

I have read enough pregnancy literature to know that these feelings are normal.  Still, I can't shake some sense of guilt that I'm replacing my firstborn or that he is going to get lost in the shuffle.  Some of my fear and guilt about this might spring from the fact that I never experienced that kind of upheaval.  I'm an only child, y'know.  I don't have the experience of the adjustment and having a sibling.  I am in brand new territory.  My parents are even in brand new territory.  They know what it is like to be in a large family but they do not know what its like to raise two kids under two.  So, I'm just trusting that though there may be an adjustment period for David Jr. (and for us, for goodness sake) but that the dust will settle and David will no longer remember life before his little brother or sister existed.  But for David and I this past year and a half have been (albeit tough) a humungous blessing.  We will cherish forever the memories of "just the three of us".  It does not escape me that it is a sweet time that we won't have back.  So, I guess it is natural that I feel a little sad to see it go.  I keep in mind that the joy I have had (unimaginable!) with my son, I will get to experience again with another blessing from the Lord.  And that is a reason to celebrate!!!  Break out the Saltines!!!

forgot the eggs

Pregnancy brain is back.  I made pancakes this morning and completely forgot to add the eggs.  I cooked them and they didn't seem that different from egg-ful pancakes.  I ate half of my plate before I realized it.  Maybe I'll start making it without eggs from now on since it will save me money.

what I never want to see in a house (esp. mine)

1.  Brass fixtures.  Yes, these abhorent things from the 80's and 90's are in my house but only because I could not yet prioritize purchasing their replacement.  The shiny brassy knobs, door knobs, and lighting fixtures glare at me saying "I'm ugly and outdated."

2.  Any sort of lamp/table furniture.  You know the kind I mean?  It looks like someone decided why bother with two pieces of furniture like a table with a separate lamp on it when you can have two of them together.  Ick.  I can not look at one without thinking of...well, I digress.  :)

3.  Lots of tiny knick knacks on display.  Those never look good.  It is the big statement pieces that can pull a room together.  It is never the $5 angel or the $9 fake plant.

4.  A flat screen above the fireplace.  I can't fathom making the t.v. the center or focus of my living room.  And to me, above the fireplace is almost like a throne or place of honor.  T.V.'s don't go there, in my opinion.  But now, new houses are even being built and wired for that very feature of t.v.'s above the fireplace.

5.  Too much furniture in a small space.  Which, by the way, we have happening in our living room.  Our furniture is not on a small enough scale and we are space-challenged.  Yet, somehow we ended up with two bedrooms that are hardly used.  But that is a conversation for another time.

6.  Fat chefs or country ducks. 

7.  Fuzzy toilet seat covers.  or any toilet seat cover.

8.  Too much symmetry will drive me bonkers.  It is safe.  It isn't interesting and sometimes doesn't offer the feeling of ease and comfort that one might want. 

Just sayin'....  Have a great week everyone!

the old is new again

I have these silver earrings that were given to me by my longtime friend, Rachael, back when we were in jr. high.  I have kept them and realize that these earrings are very suitable to the contemporary style now.  Isn't that fun?!  I am old enough to see old things become the "it" trend again...like the 80's and 90's.  I would give you a picture of these earrings but I am currently typing on our new laptop  (great deal at best buy) and haven't gotten the equipment needed to save my old harddrive in my faulty motherboard of my old Dell. 

coupon crazy

I've been learning wonderful ways to stretch our dollars in the hogue home.  I've enjoyed the brain exercise.  It is like solving a puzzle to figure out what products to buy that will last the longest and are the most economical.  I also enjoy figuring out what I can make with a can of stewed tomatoes, flour, sliced ham, and an orange (I made this list up so I don't have any recipes or anything).  It is my joy to see an empty pantry and fridge and then take a big trip to the store.  It means we used our resources well.  Delight!  I'm also actively learning how to make the most of couponing.  I requested at the library the book "The Coupon Mom's Guide to Cutting Your  Bills In Half"(am I supposed to underline a book title--I can never remember) (more economical than buying--I have reignited my love of the library) and began pouring over it and making notes.  I found blogs and websites (including Couponmom.com) to help gather all manner of coupons and am taking baby steps in how to take advantage of double/triple couponing, BOGO (buy one get one...), and other smart tips.  I started this venture and saw more and more people jumping on the couponing/bargain hunting bandwagon (or discovered people already on it).  I think it is a movement among frugal mothers.

Anyhoo, this is just background information for why I was on the website www.slickdeals.com.  I found that Home Depot was selling 4ft. by 4ft. raised garden beds for $9!  It was originally $29!  That is a huge deal!  I bought 3 (they are back ordered but so what?!).  I basically bought 3 for the price of 1.  Excellent!  And this was not a purchase that was needless.  I had been in the market for just such a product.  We wanted to start a garden but protect the garden from our dog and also make it look a little dressed up.  Perfect!  I see this as an investment (a small one at that!  yeah!) in furthering our dollar bills because gardening will bring us some organic vegetables without the high cost.  There is such a high from a good deal.  And unlike other highs, this one has proven to be quite affordable.  ;)

I never thought I would say this...

but moving away from Jackson sounds like a harmless and fun adventure.  I suppose now that I am no longer a single girl attached to a friend group or community like I once was (which was for dear life) I can entertain the idea of moving away.  I do love jackson and all our friends and the familiarity of it all.  We do have strong roots there.  However, for the past year, which I guess means since David was born, I can take or leave Jackson.  I don't need the familiarity and connections of Jackson because I have the connections of my own nuclear family.  I have both Davids.  Of course, I know that we need community AND to be utterly philosophical the community needs us (we are a part in the body of Christ, after all).  But when you are at home most of the time and your interactions with friends (going out for coffee or what-have-you) is so limited than I started seeing that I could really move anywhere and still maintain that level of connection.  I'm a lot more mobile than I used to be.  I can still keep up with friends (who are all moving away one by one, anyhow) through email/facebook/blogs, make new ones, and be content. 

Jackson is my home.  I didn't grow up here but I have learned to love it.  As time goes by, however, I get frustrated with the....what's the word?...stiffness?  stodginess?  stuffiness? of the culture.  I would never say I was a flibbertigibbet that partied or anything.  However, being from South Louisiana, we were just a lot more laid back than our Mississippi friends further north.  Not bad.  Just not me.  David Sr. agrees.  So, here we are in Florida, enjoying being in a college town with so many cool places to hang out and eat.  We like the vibe.  Laid back.  You see it in the clothing, and cars, and the attitude.  It is breathing fresh air.  Money isn't as important here as it is in Jackson.  Also, everyone rides their bike and walks in this part of town.  I love that!  I can walk to get a yogurt, a smoothie, a sandwich, a burrito, a doughnut.  It is great!  We just came back from a PCA church where we felt comfortable and welcomed.  We got to chat with the pastor and he was very open and friendly.  I can seriously see myself living here.  Funny that I never really considered Florida as a place to live but why not?  I think I would like it.  Plus, people could visit us on the way to the beach. 

We will be in Jackson, Lord willing, for another few years.  I'm still in love with our house and look forward to fixing it up bit by bit.   But I can see myself gearing up for a move.  It won't be as scary as I once thought it was.

Havin' fun with hats