a change of scenery

I changed the picture of my heading in the blog. Yes, I love my baby david but I was not intending to make the picture so big. I don't know how to make it smaller but I didn't want to change the picture because I like it so much. Eventually, I will have it printed and framed.

kitchen makeover sooner than expected

When we moved into our home, I had a vision for what changes we could make to up the value of our house and make living in it all the more pleasant. I've always enjoyed seeing the potential in homes and have a lot of fun obsessing over it. Well, for fun, David and I went to Home Depot to price countertops. I knew that replacing our laminate countertops would be wise. However, granite was way out of our price range. We looked at Corian and Dupont and came up with a price of about $2500. Well, we were glad to have an idea of how much it would cost but were not going to be doing it anytime soon. About a week later, David gets a call from a mom whose daughter needed Latin tutoring. In exchange she offered to give us....granite counter tops!! Wow! Her husband owns a local company. We picked our granite and our counter tops have been measured. We purchased a new stainless steel sink and faucet (at Overstock.com--a really REALLY good deal). So, soon we will see a dramatic difference in our kitchen. We would have had to pay around $3 grand for these counter tops. What a deal! I have to thank the Lord who gives good gifts--way bigger and better than we expect or deserve. After the countertops, we (well, me actually) will research some backsplashes and decide whether to paint our cabinets (leaning toward yes). I'm excited to see the changes.

david sr. is wonderful and i'm a schmuck!

Father's Day has come and gone. In my sleepy and self-absorbed way I didn't do very much to help David Sr. feel special. He is very special, in fact. His not-so-charming wife just couldn't get it together to make the day stand out for him. I got him a gift and gave it to him early and I also had a card for him. I never filled out the card so I didn't give it to him. I was planning on filling it out sometime that Sunday but it was a rough day with baby David. He was expecting something in the morning and I didn't realize that. So, anyway. I wanted to publicly praise my husband for his faithfulness as a daddy.

David is a great father because:

1. He is very tender and gentle.
2. He helps change the diapers and comfort lil' david when he is upset so well! and even when he is half-asleep.
3. He is proud of being his papa and proud to have others dote on him.
4. He encourages and helps lil' david's mama so that she can keep going with the constant and frequent feedings around the clock.
5. He thinks ahead as to how to bring david up in God's word and is ready to teach him how loving a Lord and Savior we serve.
6. He prays for and over tiny david.
7. He had a great example in duty and faithfulness from his own father and better yet our Great Heavenly Father.

And since it was father's day who better to thank than our Great Father in Heaven for all his rich blessings, watchful and protective eye, and sweet love. We love because he loves. We care because he cares. We do because he did/does. Thank you, Father! You have made our lives worth living. You have given us a great hope! You love us in very tangible ways. May everyone we know realize how great your love is and and how far you are willing to go and have gone to show us that love. Thank you for giving me my heart's desire in a godly husband and a healthy baby. I am always indebted to you!

what are other people doing?

My house is a mess! I don't mean that my house is a mess because I have my shoes in the living room (i do) or that the laundry is still waiting to be taken out of the dryer (it is) but I mean that there is a general filth. There isn't enough time in a day, arms growing out of our bodies, or energy to tackle the daily chores we used to do more regularly. This only bothers me a little compared to the lack of freedom I've felt lately. I miss being able to go for hours at a time to go out to eat dinner with friends, or shop, or hang out at a bookstore. When we do these things it is way more complicated than it used to be. I am sure all you mothers out there know exactly what I'm talking about and probably complained about it a lot less than I do. I like to travel light. But it is the biggest irony that I have to pack like I'm going away for the weekend just to go...anywhere! What is also funny is that I manage to forget at least one essential item. Boppy or nursing cover or extra outfit for our lil' pooper or meds. I can't keep a running list in my head anymore. I walk and talk as if in a strange fog where I can't quite get my thoughts together. I frequently walk away from conversations with this unsettling feeling that I forgot to say something or didn't say it right.

I am watching my son change and grow and look forward to it getting easier but then I remember what it is like to be around a toddler--tiring. And is this when I am supposed to want another one? Hmmm. The last couple of days were a little crazy so maybe that is why I am feeling more inconvenienced lately. One night I had an anxiety attack that happened suddenly and out of nowhere. I was scared that I was going to relive my first experiences with panic and anxiety. The next day I was so tramautized that before any words came out of my mouth I cried on David's shoulder. He was very comforting as he reminded me that I have a lot more coping skills to handle this than I did last time. He also thought that I was experiencing more of a fluke than anything that was indicative of my anxiety becoming worse. While I was crying I looked down at little david and he, with eyes wide open, looked up at me and smiled. Wow. Aside from the fact that he thinks his momma crying is smile-worthy, I thought the timing of that smile was perfect. Thank you Lord! It didn't cure me but it was a sweet moment. That day I didn't have much of an appetite. I ate some eggs and apples throughout the day. I went to try my first yogalites class since pregnancy and it was a great workout. When you add the amount of food I consumed plus an intense workout plus a child who seemingly is going through his 3 mos. growth spurt 2 wks early, you get a woman who could barely get out of bed for low blood sugar. I could barely call david to the bed and when he did I asked him to bring me juice, then cereal. It took me quite a few hours to recover from that. Once recovered, I've been more careful to pay attention to my hunger pains.

This post is getting radically long so I'll stop here. David says as much as I might complain I still look at little david and my eyes light up. I don't know about that but I have definitely grown attached. He is such a cutie!

life lately

The growth spurt is over and my sanity remained intact. However, new things have arisen. The pattern seems to be: nurse, cry, sleep. The crying portion of this new schedule is what concerns me. Typically this is in the afternoon but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened other times as well. Also, he has times when he is happy, awake and not crying. My relatives all say this is gas. They also say that it will end around his 3rd month. We've used the much raved about Mylicon but all it seems to do is interrupt the wails so that we can insert a pacifier to help comfort him. Everyone on my side of the family recommended an herbal tea made from anise seed (that I grew up with and find very comforting) for the baby but I'm just not sure...

So, babies cry, right? Right! But my therapist/analytical/paranoid parts wonder if it is something other than gas, like him having a difficult temperament. I was talking about his crying with some friends who asked if he was fussy. That question stuck with me. Is he fussy? And if he is, why do I feel guilty or embarrassed by that? I've read up on this and discovered that the "good" baby/fussy baby categories are a bit limiting. Well, and all that to say, he may not be fussy--i have no idea. It isn't like I've done this before.

We've learned that the baby loves the vibration of singing low notes. He loves the "monkey hold". He also loves to be held and patted on the the back and bottom. His daddy has become a champ at all of these.

David Sr. seems to have his most difficult times at the changing table. He cannot seem to change the baby's diaper without getting the changing pad, 4 diapers, and babies clothes wet. To say the least, we are going through lots of diapers. I've gotten "wet" on as well but due to leaky diapers.

I'm just dying to see some smiles and ready for him to be interactive. We might have to wait longer because his developmental milestones might be later in coming due to him being preterm.

I would love to hear your thoughts on these things.