an honest answer to an honest question

Awhile ago, a friend of ours was struggling with a messy break-up.  He was yearning for any sort of reason for why it happened.  He was lost in emotions of self-doubt, mourning, anger, and angst.  It wasn't strange, any sort of loss would bring these kinds of emotions.  When we lose someone or something, we ask a lot of questions.  We spent an afternoon of going through the timeline of the broken relationship, trying to tease out as much truth about himself, his ex, and the relationship itself.  Loss has the potential of bringing some deep questions about our identity.  Our sense of self becomes shaky.  We ask questions about ourselves and the future.  Was it me?  Am I capable of a healthy relationship?  Was it her?  Could I have done something differently?  Am I uniquely flawed in a way that will keep me from love?  Why is this so hard?

This friend isn't a Christian.  David and I have been open about our beliefs with him.  We offered what we could from our perspective.  He asked a poignant, honest question.  He asked, "What can Christianity (read:  Christ/God) do for me in this situation?"  I didn't hear a selfish question where the inquirer was all about himself (yet, aren't we all?).  I heard an honest question about why we "choose" to be Christians.  What brings us back to our beliefs when our hearts are bleeding?  What comfort does it have to offer a wounded person?  Other wiser theologians might have had a ready answer.  (Beware of those with ready answers--especially me).  However, when the ball was thrown into our court, we fumbled.  (Ok, yes.  I did mix sports metaphors but if you don't tell and I don't care, then no harm done, right??).  Trying not to make our God look foolish...ok, trying not to make ourselves look foolish, we probably said something about comfort...mumble, mumble. 

I thought about this question a lot.  I went over in my head how I would answer if I had all the time in the world to answer.  Well, here I am.  I don't have all the time in the world but I have some.  I think that this question caught us off guard because I can't answer with anything tangible.  There was also a fear that perhaps the intangible isn't attractive enough--not attractive enough to draw others to Christ and make us look like we are no fools.  Why intangibles?  When I first heard that question there was a sense of disappointment in me that I could not say, "I'm glad you asked.  He can make the pain go away instantly."  That is obviously not true.  Christians feel pain (perhaps it can be argued that they feel more pain than most but I don't want to go there).  What Christ offers to his followers is hope.  We have the satisfaction of knowing that the pain we presently feel is not without purpose.  And we know that His purpose through our pain is to draw out our strength and faith (as the refiner's fire with gold), to bring about circumstances that are good for us, to point out to us our dependency on Him when we had been foolishly trusting our friends, our talents, our looks, to keep us from what could be a horrendous future.

Pain now, Gain later

There are many benefits of Christianity, but most are ones we look forward to.  We are to spend our lives in sacrifice and servanthood to God and one another until that great day when evil will be trampled underfoot.  We look longingly for Jesus to return or for us to go to Jesus in heaven where there is promise of no more tears, sorrow, disease, and death.  The ugliness of this life will fade as we delight in the splendor of our Lord and Savior.  But does that sound attractive to the unbeliever??  I'm sure it does not.  I hear hearts that say, "Why should this God who allows pain be trusted to keep his promises?"  I suppose what Christians have is a bunch of promises and a "peace that surpasses understanding".

  That peace is from our gifts in this life.  It is Katniss's bow and ointment in the Hunger Games.  It is Frodo's sting and bottle of light in Lord of the Rings.  It is Harry's invisibility cloak and map in Harry Potter.  We have also been given gifts for battle in this world.  Believers are given His Word (the Bible) and the Holy Spirit.  You can't have one without the other because they both help interpret one another.  Without it, this world is at face-value without hope, without light, and without promise.  And if it is, then why not give way to all my sinful desires?  If there is no tomorrow, then blow all your money, satisfy your lust, steal and enjoy the spoils. 

What about now?  The Intangibles.

How do you explain to someone who is without the Holy Spirit that there is guidance, peace, comfort, joy, and positive change within Christianity.  Christians are not without strife, struggle, pain and death.  We live in the same world, after all, as unbelievers.  In the midst of a confusing and painful breakup, what can a Christian expect to get?  Jesus helps us to forgive the other.  Doesn't sound like much at first but to let go of resentment and bitterness is the best healer in such a time.  Jesus helps us to own up to our own issues, especially knowing that we are forgiven, too.  We are given comfort in knowing that "all things work for the good of those who love Him".   We know that if this didn't work out, then something better for us will come along.  We experience joy and thankfulness and peace even while we feel sadness and loss.
    The best intangible that I can write about is the actual relationship with Christ.  I don't just mean some sort of ethereal spiritual connection to the Creator of the universe.  I mean a real relationship with a Father who is steady as a rock, mighty as a mountain, tender as a mother of a newborn baby, comforting as a warm blanket and a hot drink, and more in love with His daughters and sons than can hardly be imagined.  When you have that--all other losses start to pale.  It doesn't mean we won't miss our loved ones or mourn broken relationships.  We do.  I have.  But it does mean that I have something Huge and Wonderful to fall back on.  He steadies my feet.  He lifts me out of the muck and mire. Admittedly, it is a hard sell unless you've experienced it.

     I have come before the Lord with many hard questions that I never got answers to.  There was beauty in being able to come to the Creator of the universe and present these doubts about who He is and what He is about without fear.  I am secure in His love and faithfulness to me.  That was not always the case but the Lord brought me to that place.  He knows my heart.  I believe that He wants me to bring my real heart questions to Him.  I'm not promised answers.  I don't necessarily have to have them, do I?  I just need to trust the One who does.  I need to believe that He loves me and is looking out for me.