"I long for transformation"

Jo of Little Women is the one who says that (in the movie, anyway.  I read the book 3x but I don't remember if those particular words were there).  I find myself longing for similar things.  Then again, I've always identified with Jo.  She was the awkward, less than frilly girl who would rather hang with the boys than be dainty and demure.  Adventurous and a visionary is what she was.  Her hair was her "one true beauty".  She was rough around the edges but passionate about life.  I can relate to all of these.  Her struggle throughout her early years was finding her place--finding where her gifts were best suited.  She thought it would be in writing that great novel but in the end it came in educating alongside her professor husband (seeing the similarities yet??) a group of boarding children.  FYI:  Little Men is an excellent book about those boys. 

I am where I could never imagine I would be.  I am married with children.  I am content here.  I am in awe of the beauty of this calling that motherhood is.  I get to fall in love with this man that I marry.  We grow in sync and become the "bestest" of friends.  We have babies and I get to fall in love all over again.  I'm amazed at how beautiful it all is.  This is my primary calling at this point and the Lord is using this stage of life to teach me so much.  I see the fruit of the spirit that I lack and am seeing how I daily need His sustenance to bring about the needed gentleness, patience, and self-control with my children.  There is a lot of messing up going on; therefore, a bunch of repentence and forgiveness. 

Even with this hard and wonderful calling of motherhood, I find myself wanting to be creative.  I want to use my hands and brain.  If I don't get to, I begin to wither.  It refreshes me to do such things.  I dream of taking creativity to new heights.  I wonder how this desire can be used in God's kingdom.  My prideful heart wants it used in big ways where many are affected and influenced but lately I think my circle of influence is small.  Meaningful but small.  It is SO good for me.  If I were to have the sphere of influence that I want- there will be a whole load of other issues that will come with it.  I am looking for ways to use my gifts in new ways--ways that I can effectively accomplish with my primary tasks as well as encourage or inspire others (just one person is enough). 

I'm thankful that the Lord is most effectual in using His chidren's gifts.  He doesn't want them wasted.  He may give our gifts a hiatus but only to further refine them and perfect us.  So, I will wait to see how the Lord will continue to use me in my small sphere of influence.  Transformation will come, but as with dear Jo, it will likely come in a package I do not expect.