I made it through the first night of bootcamp. I'm not sure how successfully. I wasn't relaxed and it made it difficult to sleep between feedings (which were between 2 and 3 hours). My jaw was sore from clenching the night before and I lost my appetite. David helped by changing his diaper with every feeding. I'm not feeling hungry today because I guess I just feel nervous and anxious about surviving this stage of life. I want to know how normal this all is. I feel this weird guilt when he is anywhere but in mine or david's arms. I have such a mix of emotions of joy, fear, anxiety, wonder, and I'm sure many more that I haven't felt like digging out.
As I said before, nothing happens as it was planned. This is including the homecoming. My first day with our boy was by myself, as David went to work. I see the value of having help at home. My parents are coming but it didn't work out for them to be there until Good Friday. I was too tired to do anything, even for myself (breakfast and lunch). I even put off using the bathroom b/c I wasn't sure if I could leave him in his crib while I went. Stay tuned...
How Not To Be The Charlie Browniest
6 years ago
Guitta...it's pretty normal to feel that nervous the first day of being alone with your first baby...take into account the shock (and fear/worry) of having him several weeks early...then add hormonal chaos and sleep deprivation to that, and let me tell you from experience, that is no picnic. I always felt panicky when I was by myself, and much much calmer when someone (anyone!) was by my side. Don't be afraid to call in the local troops to "sit" with you and help you process everything that is now your life! I love you and will be praying...but keep talking about what you're feeling (don't hide it). And remember that "he who keeps Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps"!
ReplyDeleteGuitta, this all sounds so normal (and familiar!). Remember like Elizabeth already said--none of David's birth has gone as you thought it would! All the anxiety that every mom has is heightened by unpredictability! I will pray for rest and appetite for you. With nursing you've got to keep up your strength! I can also say that it DOES get better! I promise!
ReplyDeleteNot to be nosy, but if you have any problems with nursing, which is completely normal with a premie baby as I learned, I would love to help, or I can tell you the name of a tremendously wonderful doctor in Madison who saved my bacon and my sanity when it came to nursing.
I wish I could come sit with you and make you yummy food to tempt you! I love you!
The doctor in Madison is very wonderful! I remember the first few days with Johnny: as soon as he was fed, changed and to sleep, it seemed I had just enough time to maybe use the bathroom before he was ready for me again! Each day gets a bit better--truly!
ReplyDeleteIt's important to take care of yourself--as much as you can. If you really don't want to leave him, put him in the stroller (if it reclines) and wheel him around the house with you!
Y'all are great parents! We are praying for you and I will be glad to come and help you, too! Please, please call. We're out of pocket-ish until Monday, but then I'm really, truly, flexibly available and would LOVE to help you in any way.
Hey there. It is so nice to think of you being a mom. I am glad he got to come home already and that all is well with him and Jaundice getting better. Charlie was j. too and it was so scary to bring our baby back to the hospital after having him! So I am glad that is getting better. And glad that your family can be there tomorrow. I know they are going to be excited to see him and I hope helpful to you. And what a blessing that he is nursing for you. Nursing can be so hard at first and I hope goes ok for you. I liked what you had to say about this being a phase. You remind me how much I do not love the newborn stage. And yet I forget when I see a little newborn. I'm always in c section pain and can't move much, my boobs usually are raw until a couple of months are up, sex is not existent or much wanted as sleep is hard to come by. I think though that you will get your sleep soon! I know you love to sleep and need it and so hopefully you'll hear him, feed him, sleep right away, once you are deprived enough, right! Anyway, hope you continue to get used to things. It sounds like you are getting adjusted and I can't wait to see this baby. He'll probably be 3 by that time and you won't even remember all these details and will be writing to someone else trying to remember what it was like- then again, you have this blog!
ReplyDeleteTake care
Lauren